Magically delicious

                We ran out of food when we hit the Utah border.    It was slim pickings at the nearest convenience store.   Some Wonder bread , Lucky Charms, and a jar of Skippy peanut butter sat on the shelves behind the counter.  “I’ll take it all please,” I told the pretty girl behind the counter.  She placed  it in a plastic bag.  Tim was staring at the blonde hairs on her arm.  I could understand that, because they were soft and appealing.  I wanted to lay down in them. 

                Hunger kicked in, and I snapped out of my reverie.  “Come on,” I told Tim, “I gotta eat.”  

“You can make your sandwiches in here,” the girl said.   Well, OK, the scenery did look better in here.   We lay the bread slices on the counter top.  Then I opened my jackknife to spread the peanut butter.  Tim twisted open the jar lid.  I watched her watching me.

                When Tim got the jar open, the smell was immediate and overpowering.  I remembered my mom’s peanut butter cookies as I leaned in for a closer whiff.  Tim had stuck his nose in the jar.  It looked like he had a big cylindrical Pinnochio nose.   A rush of jealous anger swept over me.  I reached over and punched his arm.  He didn’t retaliate.  Now he had his tongue in the peanut butter!

                “OK, fine then, the Lucky Charms are mine,” I yelled.  I tore open the top. 

“There’s a prize inside,” murmured the girl.  I pulled out the inner lining with the cereal and upturned the box to see what I won.  A little man came tumbling out.  He sat up, brushed himself off and gave me the finger.  What?  What did I just say? 

                I looked over at Tim to see if he was getting this, but he had his whole head in the jar.  I was reconsidering rooming with him when we got to the University of Nevada.  He had poor manners.

                Now where was I?  The girl smiled at me.  Oh yeah, the little man.  I picked him up.  He wound up and bashed my knuckle with his little metal pot.  I dropped him.

                “You’re magically delicious,” the little man sang.  Now where did that tune come from?  And where did I come from?  It was awfully hot in here.  Why were there legs sticking out of a peanut butter jar?  I’m glad my friend Blondie was here because this was really confusing.  She would take care of me.

                The little leprechaun ran up my arm.  “Hey little fella,” I said. 

“Tinkle, tinkle little star,” he sang.  I did need to pee.  

“May I use your bathroom Miss?”  I asked.  She gestured to the back of the store.

                I opened the door with the Gents washroom sign.  I unzipped my fly.  There was a urinal cake to cut down on the sweet smell.   I looked down to correct my aim.  I wouldn’t want the girl to have to clean up my mess.  The porcelain rose out to help my aim.  It was curling up so that I didn’t accidentally hit the floor.

                I bent forward to put my forehead on the wall.  Had I been drinking?  I don’t think so.  Except for that super Big Gulp in Idaho.  The wall had soft blonde hairs on it to comfort me.  They wrapped around me protectively.  I leaned in and closed my eyes.

                Out front, the girl scooped up the leprechaun and popped him back in the cereal box.  She stuck her finger in the peanut butter and licked it.  “Not quite ready,” she said.  She screwed the lid back on the peanut butter.  Then she went to the washroom to eat her lunch.